The Mind, The Body & The Soul.

The clouds have finally opened up to pour their heart,
Heaven is pouring its heart out to hell, earth stands still. 

As I smell, feel and taste the rain, and I smile & look up,
I taste the tears of heaven as they mix with mine. 

Since I missed you, like the desert missed the rain, 
And in me was that pain, the hurt I caused you, us.

I miss your smell, like the musky smell of earth
Opening my mind, my body and my soul. 

My Mind, My Body & Baby My soul. 

Since all I had in my heart till now were holes, 
Everybody shout, everybody pulled the trigger.

Don't you know, My words to you were from it, 
Didn't you for once, in its best ever feel it?

I drift on and off into your memories, into us; 
Your smell, your taste, your feel and your sight. 

I knew you were in my mind and I was in yours; 
And your body, to the depths of your very soul. 

But I choose to give you my heart, .

Not My Mind, My Body & just Soul, 
My Mind, My Body & Soul. 

You won't hear my words? 
You don't believe them,

All I have are these words, all I have are my words. 
For I have lost; My Mind, My Body, My Soul & My Heart

To you.

Am i there yet?

Isnt this the quintessential question that we ask our self again and again. as if trying to reach a destination is the purpose.

But some journeys make you look at the destination, and forget what you are going through. maybe he should not have been in or on such a journey.

He was trying his best to understand her, but how could he when she doesn't even understand his language, let alone his words.

He could never understand Hippocracy,  how could you expect from others that which you cannot give? not by any unexplained incapability but from a self confessed arrogance.

What could have been, what is now what shall be? a million thoughts racing in my mind as i sit here after what seems ages, sipping on Irish Cream wondering what other alternatives or realities could i be living right this moment.

Some thing probably i dare not dream, i need to breathe now first. the rest shall come later.

So, no we are not there yet dear friend. we are nowhere now from each other. we are as we were and as we will ever be. but the point is we could be different.

Will this day be any different than others where i almost made up my mind, or will this be just another wandering, raving rant of a helpless soul that has just hit rock bottom.

No, i did not think about all the possibility, never had probably that will be my undoing, never listen to the heart, lands you in trouble.

Where are you old friend, come meet me again on a bus. It has been 14 years now almost, did time change us? or did we change according to it.

Wasn't life a bit simple then, fewer questions, many possibilities.

If only we knew, would have never asked are we there yet, wish the bus would never stop.

Porque sin tí, he de estar incompleto.

Fall shall you not, rise up and look above,
Every suffering, every pain have you borne.

See the world is calling out to you,
Love it and it shall love you as much back.

For the high and mighty have been destroyed,
In lust, in laugh and even in love.

Smile at it, for you had laughed so wide,
Accept the pain, as you did joy.

For it actually had brought you both,
Now what you get is not what you want.

Only silence shall help you bear,
Each and every moment of this now.

I bid thee farewell to you my friend,
From here on you are on your own.

Hasta que nos encontremos otra vez, mi amor, mi alma.
Porque sin tí, he de estar incompleto.
Y esperando por ti, i puede permanecer incompleta.

Saar, only one person right?

Another sleazy motel, grayed out walls and musky smell amplifying the decay around.
As i walked the dark hallways one room after the other imagining the countless people walking before me i felt a sense of lifelessness around.

Saar, only one person right?
Yes, only me.
No, problem sir, good room, clean room, decent for family saar,
I hope this hotel won’t be raided for prostitution, was indifferent at this point.
No Saar, only family here.

A guy and girl, pretty young couple walks by.
i know instantaneously that these are college kids, paying a price for privacy to get intimate.

Unable to sort out the feeling of right and wrong, between tradition, culture and between freedom and wants, and thus clandestine meeting of a few hours these lovers share, so sad, what has become of this country of love, is it ancient history , a moment of liberation which created Vaatsayana ..?

Pick her up, drive to some unknown town, get a motel room, fuck each others brains out and ride back after this liaison.
The lock was a bit jittery, like me sinking into a motel alone, strangely i settled in the unkempt motel with inept staff.




As i light a cigarette, i think ...
How many women, prostitutes, men have toiled on this bed, trying to satisfy their hunger, hunger of being wanted, of being loved, liked, licked, sucked and fucked.
Any of these or many of these, who will they imagine? Which face shall play on their minds? But we don’t notice, the hunger is far too primal, lets say too damn carnal.
The walls could almost moan back all that it had heard in that moment.
I stand in the shower, to get over the sweltering heat, pouring water on my head calmed down a few thoughts.

Lovage plays in the background, and I sit still.
Not moving an inch, just sitting in a motel, in middle of a highway, in the middle of nowhere.

Was i to apologies to life? am i to apologies to myself..?

No i shall not apologies to anyone, but maybe i shall to her and all her forms that have touched me.
I apologies, for loving you not knowing if you could ever understand me, the conflicts that i grew up with my past , my present, my future, and you are a part of all three.

I apologies for dreaming that love would make you madly run into my arms forgetting the world, for I forgot we all are running away from it, I am trying not to.
I apologies for hurting your feelings and letting you be alone, just for a few moments in this long journey called a lifetime, I do.
But now, it’s over, no more apologies to none.

I look up and clenching my fists in my mind, and biting my lips, i shan’t apologies to even god.

And the music plays on my laptop, on a dark desert highway ....
Guess, i am, in Hotel California.

Of love and family

Hmm..... To come soon.

about what love is 

Ayesha's eyes

The world said i was ugly, and i believed it.
The world said its miserable, i listened to it.

The world said its lecherous, i thought i saw it.
The world said humanity is loosing, i agreed.

Now the world is saying that love is a sham,
I wont, i cant, i dont believe it now, sorry.

As there is the ugly, so is the beauty in there.
for all that misery, there is joy and merry.

For all that lechery there in the folds is love,
humanity is still holding on, i see it everyday.

when i look into your eyes, Ayesha i see life,
i see hope, love, joy and tears, so i know.

That i am alive and so are you, of me and through me.
Whatever it is in you is a part of me , maybe half.

Let me kiss the sky and look at your innocence,
for in yours i may find mine, for a few days.

years or maybe a lifetime.

For in those eyes i see mine, your mothers and the whole humanities.

The summer afternoon.

As i laid down next to her,
Our sweats mixed, smelling musky.

The sun outside was oblivious
of this passion of youth.

Feeling her from the inside out.
blood, flesh, bone and those curls.

tasting her flesh, smelling her smell
gliding through her curves,

And when i looked into those eyes.
Surrender , almost a glimpse of it.

Hungry like two beasts, yet gentle,
we were like lost in finding one another

just wanting to be touched,
Just wanting to be loved.

But more than anything, oh life.
I just wish you understood.

It was about living.

When this dream will end, a part of me will die.
I shall leave it behind with you, keep it or bury it.

This mid summer afternoon.