So frail , just a carbon based life form . but as part of nature it comes with a boundary . it is here that we see Life as a feeble heartbeat , fighting against all odd's , never tiring , never resting . but every heartbeat has to stop one day.. or a new one has to begin .
My Cousin is a doc, who is doing his masters in surgery . we just dropped my mom and were going out for the evening . he just had to check on one of his patients who was critical . Reluctantly i agreed to wait .
we just drove to the hospital , he rushed for a quick visit . i was sitting in the car smoking a , had a party to drop in , then some bowling & a good drive late in the night . and i could have really used a good smoke in this cool evening .
five minutes of silence .. a gentle breeze and a soft Dusk . i got bored so followed my cousin into the hospital , he was in the I.C.U . i just dropped in individual units with people lying unconscious . just the vague machines humming , silently .. beeping here and there .
My cousin was leaning next to a bed . face expressionless , doctors get accustomed to have this composure after getting used to all this . a lean guy of 24 lying on the bed . lifeless body jerking now and then as the artificial respirator pumps his lungs and keeps his heart beating . No response to pain , eyes half closed , lifeless tubes running all over , respirator tube down his throat . a weird expression of blankness on his face . I wondered if this was the state that buddha tried to achieve . my cousin was talking with the nurse , the machine was beeping . and all of a sudden i felt like i was alone in the room .. nurse checking the equipment . minutes went by agonizingly slow . silence for a moment . then back to rushing by fast .
5 minutes later my cousin said " lets go " . i turned to go back , my mind still lost in some thought and just as se entered outside .! a group of " Burka " wearing women sitting on the floor and the chairs sprang up . they were pleading with my cousin , Save my only son " Doctor Saabh " .. sobs & tears ... Such intensity was in their hope that i could feel it , like a force building up , just to explode . their eyes tired , weary , their minds battling with feelings for the last 48 hours .
12 pairs of eyes gazing piercingly into my cousin and me , they thought that i was another doctor . He just said that the patient was in a very serious condition , and they were trying . my cousin trying hard to suppress feelings from expressing on his face . Fear they say can be smelt , and i think its true . all your senses can sense fear , for it is a primal instinct . my cousin has the fear of loosing the patient that he has tried saving for the last 48 hours . the friends & relatives have the fear of Loosing their near one . other people looking blankly at the this .
And then it came , a cry , a moan ? what i dont know . it was unhumane . like the cry of a animal , a cry , a pain so basic , so primal , so from the core of a beings soul it was sad . the mother of the guy started moaning , fell at my cousins feet who jerked back with a quick reflex . and there i was standing mute watching all this flow by . I wondered how would time feel , a witness to all but mute .
she fell on her stomach .. sat up crosslegged and started to cry ..? This was exactly the way she was moaning . ( Pic above )
. Then we walked away as there was nothing much we could do , and we somehow wanted to get some space , some other doctor is trying there , its his shift and its his battle now .
The woman had fallen on her stomach and was crawling on the floor like a baby , moaning with a cry .. a monosyllable cry which was just soul piercing .
we came out just drove to the hills , the view from there somehow puts us at ease . its there that i felt , i saw this sick feeling that my cousin was feeling , he was sick at the helplessness , he did everything he could to save this guy . every trick in the medical field . but he was loosing this battle now and then . it must be awful & sickening to feel , poor guy . trying so hard yet feeling Fucked up . Death is the ultimate leveler .
And we just sat there , silent .. the whisper of the breeze , the cool dew of the moist clouds touching our face . the rustle of the tree ... my heart beat feeble .. but steady . beating on and on .. the slow sullen thumping ...! in the silence . Just the sound of my burning cigarette ...!
Later came to know that it was an accident , with a serious head injury , blunt wound on the stomach with internal bleeding . his brain was shutting down slowly . he was neither dead nor alive ... he is the only son of a poor Muslim family , recently married .
