So frail , just a carbon based life form . but as part of nature it comes with a boundary . it is here that we see Life as a feeble heartbeat , fighting against all odd's , never tiring , never resting . but every heartbeat has to stop one day.. or a new one has to begin .
My Cousin is a doc, who is doing his masters in surgery . we just dropped my mom and were going out for the evening . he just had to check on one of his patients who was critical . Reluctantly i agreed to wait .
we just drove to the hospital , he rushed for a quick visit . i was sitting in the car smoking a , had a party to drop in , then some bowling & a good drive late in the night . and i could have really used a good smoke in this cool evening .
five minutes of silence .. a gentle breeze and a soft Dusk . i got bored so followed my cousin into the hospital , he was in the I.C.U . i just dropped in individual units with people lying unconscious . just the vague machines humming , silently .. beeping here and there .
My cousin was leaning next to a bed . face expressionless , doctors get accustomed to have this composure after getting used to all this . a lean guy of 24 lying on the bed . lifeless body jerking now and then as the artificial respirator pumps his lungs and keeps his heart beating . No response to pain , eyes half closed , lifeless tubes running all over , respirator tube down his throat . a weird expression of blankness on his face . I wondered if this was the state that buddha tried to achieve . my cousin was talking with the nurse , the machine was beeping . and all of a sudden i felt like i was alone in the room .. nurse checking the equipment . minutes went by agonizingly slow . silence for a moment . then back to rushing by fast .
5 minutes later my cousin said " lets go " . i turned to go back , my mind still lost in some thought and just as se entered outside .! a group of " Burka " wearing women sitting on the floor and the chairs sprang up . they were pleading with my cousin , Save my only son " Doctor Saabh " .. sobs & tears ... Such intensity was in their hope that i could feel it , like a force building up , just to explode . their eyes tired , weary , their minds battling with feelings for the last 48 hours .
12 pairs of eyes gazing piercingly into my cousin and me , they thought that i was another doctor . He just said that the patient was in a very serious condition , and they were trying . my cousin trying hard to suppress feelings from expressing on his face . Fear they say can be smelt , and i think its true . all your senses can sense fear , for it is a primal instinct . my cousin has the fear of loosing the patient that he has tried saving for the last 48 hours . the friends & relatives have the fear of Loosing their near one . other people looking blankly at the this .
And then it came , a cry , a moan ? what i dont know . it was unhumane . like the cry of a animal , a cry , a pain so basic , so primal , so from the core of a beings soul it was sad . the mother of the guy started moaning , fell at my cousins feet who jerked back with a quick reflex . and there i was standing mute watching all this flow by . I wondered how would time feel , a witness to all but mute .
she fell on her stomach .. sat up crosslegged and started to cry ..? This was exactly the way she was moaning . ( Pic above )
. Then we walked away as there was nothing much we could do , and we somehow wanted to get some space , some other doctor is trying there , its his shift and its his battle now .
The woman had fallen on her stomach and was crawling on the floor like a baby , moaning with a cry .. a monosyllable cry which was just soul piercing .
we came out just drove to the hills , the view from there somehow puts us at ease . its there that i felt , i saw this sick feeling that my cousin was feeling , he was sick at the helplessness , he did everything he could to save this guy . every trick in the medical field . but he was loosing this battle now and then . it must be awful & sickening to feel , poor guy . trying so hard yet feeling Fucked up . Death is the ultimate leveler .
And we just sat there , silent .. the whisper of the breeze , the cool dew of the moist clouds touching our face . the rustle of the tree ... my heart beat feeble .. but steady . beating on and on .. the slow sullen thumping ...! in the silence . Just the sound of my burning cigarette ...!
Later came to know that it was an accident , with a serious head injury , blunt wound on the stomach with internal bleeding . his brain was shutting down slowly . he was neither dead nor alive ... he is the only son of a poor Muslim family , recently married .
2 comments:
i could almost feel the cold air of the hospital and the typical smells of it...and desperation of the mother to save her only son's life.
really well written.
It just makes one feel numb.
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