Bitch Called Life .

You don’t exist, don’t you know, don’t worry the whole world is soaked in its own bile of problems, so vomit all your self-pity out and swim in it sweetheart for its not going to be of any use.

So said life, oh yeah that gorgeous bitch standing there with all the bloody peoplen she enslaved behind her in chains, she come closer and runs her finger through my hair and scream , you thought you are special ? you can run away, you shall have it all?

" All i want is everything " eh ? look at you now you miserable bastard, you have nothing , you lost everything, either way you loose ...
As she clinked her chains, making it chime, he stood there motionless, there was nothing that she could take away, he was but empty ... she just passed through him and disappeared into thin air, he was back alone in his room.

Nobody notices your pain as they have their own, your pain is insignificant compared to mine don’t you know? but only i notice you withering away like the last leaf on the tree of autumn and i smile for maybe the spring shall come and " I " am me, time the silent witness to all the happenings in life, i am mute i am deaf but not blind.

But this autumn was harsh wasn’t it ? she has left a scar on you , a part of you is forever frozen now for eternity nothing can undo it now nor the spring nor the rain, this pain my friend shall remain.

But smile the bitch called life .. err wait wasn’t it a choice you made ? no no you were forced, ok conditioned, into making this decision thanks to situations ? so smile sucker, remember it can only kill you, nothing will remain after that , no pain .... no pain

He would lay in the bed looking at the ceiling as these thoughts ran in his mind, he could not make heads nor tails of his stream of thoughts, but he just didn’t have the strength in him to make sense of anything now.

The last drop of the cheap rum still in his breath stinking of the sadness, deep dark depressing sadness in his soul, alcohol was by far the greatest invention of mankind, created for the sole purpose to glue up the disintegration of the soul he said to himself.

He remembered the time when booze was drank for fun, with friends not anymore he needs it now to keep his sanity and sleep.

Torn between worlds, he feels that its always he that has to sacrifice, it is always he who has to flex, she would not, and for once his patience and resilience ran out never to return again maybe, never to return again.

He remembered, love demands sacrifices and truelove would make you sacrifice anything but love is not a one-way street, it cant be, his feelings were scarred not so much by the cruel words, but by the pain her tears had caused in his tears.

Nightmares.... bloody nightmares , he wakes up soaked in his sweat
The dim light of the burning cigarette lit up the room with a dim hue every time he inhaled a plume of smoke blowing out from the bed made the darkness more surreal.

He would slip back again to sleep like a baby, slowly, for now he is numb with pain, maybe beyond numb. For he knows that he has to wake up with that sick feeling in him, a feeling of not wanting to go through another day, he remembers his first alias on facebook, it said " Comfortably Numb " and now he really was trying to be that so badly, so badly.

As he played a song in the lowest volume.... how can i live, with or without you....
he drifts further down as the darkness in the room slowly swallows him, and the hole in his soul.