Monday, April 27, 2026

 

The Great Forgetting: Reclaiming the Sunken Chronology of the Global South

For centuries, a singular, linear narrative has been forced upon the world—a story that civilization began in a "cradle" convenient for Western maps, moving westward toward an eventual European peak. But beneath the silt of the Indian Ocean and within the ancient pulse of Vedic philosophy, a different truth has always existed. It is a truth that is circular, ancient, and indifferent to the gatekeeping of a "modern" world that is, in reality, a petulant latecomer to the stage of history.

To the four billion people of the Global South: the time for seeking "validation" is over. We are not discovering a "new" history; we are finally remembering the one that was there all along.


The Cyclic Pulse: Time as a Circle, Not a Line

While Western science struggles to reconcile the "sudden" appearance of mega-cities, the Indian belief system has never been surprised by deep time. In our worldview, life and time are not a straight line heading toward a "finish line"; they are a Cyclic Pulse.

The concept of the Yugas teaches us that civilizations rise, peak, and dissolve in a cosmic rhythm. What Westerners call "pre-history" is simply the forgotten peak of a previous cycle. The melting of the glaciers 11,600 years ago was not the "start" of human progress—it was the Pralaya, the great dissolution that submerged the maritime empires of our ancestors.

Getty Images

The "Mountain of Evidence" and the Architecture of Bias

The most persistent tool of subversion used by Western academia is the evidentiary double standard. This is not a "neutral" scientific process; it is a defensive wall.

Consider the facts:

  • The European Double Standard: In 1995, wooden spears were found in Schöningen, Germany. Despite being just sharpened sticks, they were immediately heralded by the Western press as "proof" of sophisticated technological behavior 300,000 years ago. In contrast, when massive granite wharves and geometric structures are found 40 meters underwater off Poombuhar, they are dismissed as "natural formations" or "medieval ballast."

  • The Clovis Barrier: For decades, US archaeologists enforced the "Clovis First" doctrine, viciously attacking any scientist who found evidence of humans in the Americas before 13,000 years ago. They suppressed their own history to maintain a neat timeline. If they do this to their own soil, imagine the level of subversion applied to the Global South.

  • The "Absence of Evidence" Fallacy: Westerners demand "organic carbon dating" for stone structures under the sea, knowing full well that wood and bone rot in saltwater within centuries. They use the absence of rot-prone material to deny the presence of massive stone engineering—an intellectual dishonesty designed to keep the Global South "primitive" in the history books.

  • Marathousa 1 (Greece): Recently, a single "clearly humanly modified" wooden tool and one "likely" tool were used to claim sophisticated technological engagement 400,000 years ago. While significant, the leap from a single wooden fragment to a "diverse technological engagement" is a grace rarely extended to non-Western sites.

  • The Glozel Controversy (France): In the 1920s, thousands of "Neolithic" tablets were found. Despite early reports identifying them as forgeries or Medieval, French academia spent decades trying to validate them as a "new prehistoric civilization." Even today, small-scale validation of a few flint axes keeps the "civilization" hope alive in Western circles, while the granite wharves of Poombuhar are dismissed as "natural formations" by some Western skeptics.

  • Boxgrove (UK): A single shinbone and two teeth were enough to reconstruct "Boxgrove Man" and an entire social structure of "mighty hunters." In contrast, the extensive urban ruins of Rakhigarhi (India) were initially labeled "just another outpost" of the Indus Valley until Indian archaeologists proved it was actually the largest city of the entire civilization.

The Subversion of Truth: From "Aryan" Myths to "Mythology"

The subversion has been methodical and intentionally racist.

  • The Saraswati Erasure: For a century, Western historians called the Saraswati River a "religious fantasy" or a "mythical river." They ignored the Rig Veda’s descriptions of a "mighty river flowing from the mountains to the sea." It wasn't until satellite imagery from NASA and ISRO revealed a 5-kilometer-wide palaeo-channel exactly where the texts said it was, dated to 6000 BCE, that they were forced to quiet down. Even now, they refuse to update the textbooks because it destroys the "Aryan Migration" timeline.

  • The "Mythology" Label: Westerners accept the Iliad of Troy as having a historical core, yet they label the Itihasa (History) of India as "mythology." By doing so, they deleted thousands of years of recorded maritime intelligence. They ignore the Silappadikaram’s descriptions of lighthouses and 80-ship docks because acknowledging them would mean admitting that the "cave-dwelling" ancestors of the North were thousands of years behind the South.

The Petulant Child: The Parasitic System

The Western world behaves like a petulant, spoilt child. Having built their wealth on a parasitic system—extracting the resources of the South, polluting the shared atmosphere to build their "first world" comfort, and hoarding the historical narrative—they now have the audacity to lecture us.

  • Carbon Imperialism: The West is responsible for the vast majority of historical $CO_2$ emissions. Yet, they pressure the Global South to stifle its development. Their "moral leadership" is a bankruptcy.

  • The Per-Capita Lie: They point fingers at the total emissions of the South while hiding the fact that a single Western citizen consumes more resources and produces more waste than 10 to 15 Indians.

We must stop taking them seriously. They are a brief, chaotic flicker in the long cycle of time. A nation that cannot sustain itself without destroying its neighbors' environment is not "developed"—it is a biological parasite.

15,000 Years: Not the End, but the Beginning

The evidence of structures 11,000 to 15,000 years old is the floor, not the ceiling.

A mega-city like the one submerged at Poombuhar does not spring from nothing. To have a city that requires a 50-meter-deep port, you need a 1,000-year development cycle of commerce, law, and engineering. This means that while the North was buried under ice, a sophisticated maritime "Golden Triangle" between the Laccadives, Maldives, and Sri Lanka was already operating.

As the sea levels rose by 120 meters at the end of the last glaciation, the evidence was not lost—it was archived by the ocean. The truth is no longer buried; it is just waiting for the 4 billion people of the Global South to stop listening to the noise of the "spoilt child" and start listening to the pulse of our own deep, cyclic memory. The next cycle is beginning, and this time, the "master narrative" will be written in the South.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

The Mind, The Body & The Soul.

The clouds have finally opened up to pour their heart,
Heaven is pouring its heart out to hell, earth stands still. 

As I smell, feel and taste the rain, and I smile & look up,
I taste the tears of heaven as they mix with mine. 

Since I missed you, like the desert missed the rain, 
And in me was that pain, the hurt I caused you, us.

I miss your smell, like the musky smell of earth

Opening my mind, my body and my soul. 

My Mind, My Body & Baby My soul. 

Since all I had in my heart till now were holes, 
Everybody shout, everybody pulled the trigger.

Don't you know, My words to you were from it, 
Didn't you for once, in its best ever feel it?

I drift on and off into your memories, into us; 

Your smell, your taste, your feel and your sight. 

I knew you were in my mind and I was in yours; 
And your body, to the depths of your very soul. 

But I choose to give you my heart, .

Not My Mind, My Body & just Soul, 
My Mind, My Body & Soul. 

You won't hear my words? 
You don't believe them,

All I have are these words, all I have are my words. 
For I have lost; My Mind, My Body, My Soul & My Heart

To you.

Am i there yet?

Isnt this the quintessential question that we ask our self again and again. as if trying to reach a destination is the purpose.

But some journeys make you look at the destination, and forget what you are going through. maybe he should not have been in or on such a journey.

He was trying his best to understand her, but how could he when she doesn't even understand his language, let alone his words.

He could never understand Hippocracy,  how could you expect from others that which you cannot give? not by any unexplained incapability but from a self confessed arrogance.

What could have been, what is now what shall be? a million thoughts racing in my mind as i sit here after what seems ages, sipping on Irish Cream wondering what other alternatives or realities could i be living right this moment.

Some thing probably i dare not dream, i need to breathe now first. the rest shall come later.

So, no we are not there yet dear friend. we are nowhere now from each other. we are as we were and as we will ever be. but the point is we could be different.

Will this day be any different than others where i almost made up my mind, or will this be just another wandering, raving rant of a helpless soul that has just hit rock bottom.

No, i did not think about all the possibility, never had probably that will be my undoing, never listen to the heart, lands you in trouble.

Where are you old friend, come meet me again on a bus. It has been 14 years now almost, did time change us? or did we change according to it.

Wasn't life a bit simple then, fewer questions, many possibilities.

If only we knew, would have never asked are we there yet, wish the bus would never stop.


Sunday, April 8, 2012

Porque sin tí, he de estar incompleto.

Fall shall you not, rise up and look above,
Every suffering, every pain have you borne.

See the world is calling out to you,
Love it and it shall love you as much back.

For the high and mighty have been destroyed,
In lust, in laugh and even in love.

Smile at it, for you had laughed so wide,
Accept the pain, as you did joy.

For it actually had brought you both,
Now what you get is not what you want.

Only silence shall help you bear,
Each and every moment of this now.

I bid thee farewell to you my friend,
From here on you are on your own.

Hasta que nos encontremos otra vez, mi amor, mi alma.
Porque sin tí, he de estar incompleto.
Y esperando por ti, i puede permanecer incompleta.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Saar, only one person right?

Another sleazy motel, grayed out walls and musky smell amplifying the decay around.
As i walked the dark hallways one room after the other imagining the countless people walking before me i felt a sense of lifelessness around.

Saar, only one person right?
Yes, only me.
No, problem sir, good room, clean room, decent for family saar,
I hope this hotel won’t be raided for prostitution, was indifferent at this point.
No Saar, only family here.

A guy and girl, pretty young couple walks by.
i know instantaneously that these are college kids, paying a price for privacy to get intimate.

Unable to sort out the feeling of right and wrong, between tradition, culture and between freedom and wants, and thus clandestine meeting of a few hours these lovers share, so sad, what has become of this country of love, is it ancient history , a moment of liberation which created Vaatsayana ..?

Pick her up, drive to some unknown town, get a motel room, fuck each others brains out and ride back after this liaison.
The lock was a bit jittery, like me sinking into a motel alone, strangely i settled in the unkempt motel with inept staff.




As i light a cigarette, i think ...
How many women, prostitutes, men have toiled on this bed, trying to satisfy their hunger, hunger of being wanted, of being loved, liked, licked, sucked and fucked.
Any of these or many of these, who will they imagine? Which face shall play on their minds? But we don’t notice, the hunger is far too primal, lets say too damn carnal.
The walls could almost moan back all that it had heard in that moment.
I stand in the shower, to get over the sweltering heat, pouring water on my head calmed down a few thoughts.

Lovage plays in the background, and I sit still.
Not moving an inch, just sitting in a motel, in middle of a highway, in the middle of nowhere.

Was i to apologies to life? am i to apologies to myself..?

No i shall not apologies to anyone, but maybe i shall to her and all her forms that have touched me.
I apologies, for loving you not knowing if you could ever understand me, the conflicts that i grew up with my past , my present, my future, and you are a part of all three.

I apologies for dreaming that love would make you madly run into my arms forgetting the world, for I forgot we all are running away from it, I am trying not to.
I apologies for hurting your feelings and letting you be alone, just for a few moments in this long journey called a lifetime, I do.
But now, it’s over, no more apologies to none.

I look up and clenching my fists in my mind, and biting my lips, i shan’t apologies to even god.

And the music plays on my laptop, on a dark desert highway ....
Guess, i am, in Hotel California.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Of love and family

Hmm..... To come soon.

about what love is 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Ayesha's eyes

The world said i was ugly, and i believed it.
The world said its miserable, i listened to it.

The world said its lecherous, i thought i saw it.
The world said humanity is loosing, i agreed.

Now the world is saying that love is a sham,
I wont, i cant, i dont believe it now, sorry.

As there is the ugly, so is the beauty in there.
for all that misery, there is joy and merry.

For all that lechery there in the folds is love,
humanity is still holding on, i see it everyday.

when i look into your eyes, Ayesha i see life,
i see hope, love, joy and tears, so i know.

That i am alive and so are you, of me and through me.
Whatever it is in you is a part of me , maybe half.

Let me kiss the sky and look at your innocence,
for in yours i may find mine, for a few days.

years or maybe a lifetime.

For in those eyes i see mine, your mothers and the whole humanities.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The summer afternoon.

As i laid down next to her,
Our sweats mixed, smelling musky.

The sun outside was oblivious
of this passion of youth.

Feeling her from the inside out.
blood, flesh, bone and those curls.

tasting her flesh, smelling her smell
gliding through her curves,

And when i looked into those eyes.
Surrender , almost a glimpse of it.

Hungry like two beasts, yet gentle,
we were like lost in finding one another

just wanting to be touched,
Just wanting to be loved.

But more than anything, oh life.
I just wish you understood.

It was about living.

When this dream will end, a part of me will die.
I shall leave it behind with you, keep it or bury it.

This mid summer afternoon.

Story of a boy,

And i was a kid one day,
Playing that high noon.

Looking at the sun, i felt dizzy,
Closed my eyes to drift someplace.

There came my mother and asked me,
Would you not want love my son.

I said neigh.

Then came the presit, to quiz me,
Would you like god to save you.

I said neigh.

Do you want education asked me tutor,
Master of none, i shall take none me said.

Then came the woman i love,
she just looked at me, through me.

Knowing too well the strength it would take.
for she knew it was the one thing no one can give up on.

The idea, the dream of freedom.
The priceless of them all, free thought.

The story stopped.
A smile arose.

And i was back on that playground again, looking at the sun.
Wondering where i was ?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us.

Dont know what i am writing here.

Guess everybody wants to hear the truth but cannot digest it , including me .
When i came to know Ayesha i wanted to hear it , but could not digest it immediately.

I had to take my time, she came and hit me like the wild wave that she was reminding me that is the new manifestation.

What a cruel game isnt it, first you tell the truth , and it does set you free, only to pull you back down.

It looks at your face and smiles, saying " Now Pay The Price, Mister" the price, i shall be rubbed, trashed, questioned, analyzed, till i am no more in a state to understand what was the truth anymore.

But i knew that you were a truth, i loved her was the truth, truth is painful was the reality, and i could but smile, holding onto that one strand of life, one tiny bit.

Sitting under the half-moon in a farm far away in the middle of nowhere, i remembered how i felt looking at her, an image forever etched in my mind.

I will come, for i did love , but do i know where i am going ? or you dear friend ? i am leaving everything behind, i am moving towards that.

Truth , my sweet truth , i sought you always, in the dusty plains of south India, in the hills and mountains.



In the barren lands of Leh, the valleys of Kashmir and where not.
why do you play this hide and seek, as i come closer to you you move away.

Funny i always said that love demands of us nothing but the utmost of the sacrifices, did enjoy all the sacrifices love did for me till now, its time i pay the due , my due to it.

Drunk in the ecstasy of life, i did not notice, Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa for youth was blinding and i did not want to open my eyes completely, half closed in a haze.

I am but alone now, no one around, see a few friends far away few steps behind, the world is at stake and it is against me.

For you are not there, but only your memories with me, maybe that's all i need, maybe that's what i will fight for .

One day when you are old enough " Ayesha " i will tell you my story, you may judge me, but you shouldn't, for not even god can judge me, for he did not live this life that i did, he did not smile and laugh, frown and wince, cry and yell, it was me.

But you will know my story one day, the story of the one man who loved you even before you were breathing life. And the one who loved her, who woke up to give bearth to a dream called you.

Do you want to listen to it? will you listen to it?

Of how i held on to just one little piece of me, called hope, faith, truth, love and you.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Love, lies and truth .

Can we lie to the ones we love ? Can lie out stand love?

Don’t know, but thinking about all this I switched off the engine of my car, 2 am is a unholy time , but there is something so serene about it.

The last of the night birds are hidden away, the BPO employees finishing up some of their shifts, the tea vendor making an extra buck for life, drunk guys heading home.

And lonely souls like me wandering the roads, searching for something they know not what ?

Can we truly love someone if we can’t trust them? How can we? Is trust and love intertwined? Maybe we can.

For we love someone without thinking of trust, we lie to ourselves.

So is then love based on a lie, I don’t think so Marco.

I know she would not like me smoking so much, for she sees me decaying day by day, I have to live for I know that, just let me know my reason clear other than her.

Did I love you, yes I did.
Do I love you, yes I do.
Will I love you, I think I will.

Mind becomes numb after going through a few relationships; so much to learn that the brain stops living it and starts thinking about it, then that too stops.

I had this strange feeling , while trying to float in the Arabian Sea, new years eve, the full moon, the sea it felt nice, lost my watch then , figured if I could I could loose myself.

Remember reading, it’s better to love someone than try to understand them, when you love someone, slowly you will understand them.

Would dad understand this, that deep down inside I like him and love him, for he taught me principles, righteousness and his maniacal ego? Would mom understand that she taught me patience, faith and hope? Will my brother understand that he taught me, compassion, kindness and love?

Can she understand, that she teaches me the beauty of life?

Leaving behind this thought, I drove away from those empty street, afraid of my own thoughts... just drove.

The road was empty and the dusk was quiet,




And then came 3 strangers walking on the road, i stopped to ask them if they were ok.
What a strange bunch they were, one was truly happy, and was blissfully arrogant and the other just calm and peaceful.

I asked if they needed a ride and strangely the said, we are and were riding with you, but they would like to get a lift.

So I let them in, and went back into my thoughts,

we all lie to ourselves, tell ourselves that we know, our ego's, our beliefs; when you all have decided what I am and what I do, should I even bother about all these questions.

I know but one truth that I shall hold on to, that I love my family, including the ones who are in the land beyond, I won’t lie about what they are to myself for I don’t know, I shall have to trust that they will understand without me explaining, I shall love even when it hurts me.

For when I loved each one of you, I gave you that authority and power to hurt me back, maybe to even destroy me in a way, for if any of you are destroying me I don’t mind, I shall smile while we do it.

Truth is love is beyond the truth or the lie, both of which are relative but constants; don’t make your love relative to any of these.

I remembered the passengers in my car, had to drop them at their destination, and so I came back from swimming in my thoughts.

And so, I spoke to love, lie and truth sitting in my car, one by one I dropped them off, first came lie, it got down near a temple, then came love it got down near a maternity ward and finally I drove with truth.

Sitting in silence, yet speaking, until we came to halt at a Cemetery.

I have to leave you know my friend said truth, but do not worry one day we shall meet, you will come visit me and that is the truth.!

So I drove back home, wanting to get back to life, I knew she would be waiting for me now.

So I threw out the dying butt and sped away that night.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Scars of an old solider

The frail wind blowing outside was nice to watch, something about clouds makes one go so comfortable, it soothes the soul.

Yeah like that one touch of that someone when you are lying down on a lazy Friday afternoon, in a strange guesthouse on a sultry backwater town, a strike raging outside .

Have we grown so apart, like the silence after a gush of wind leaves a place breathless, don’t know.
Regretting everything that has happened so far, they were so afar inside that moment, the silence just like the distance was just killing them. She would never understand India he has said, and i thought, maybe you are wrong old friend? maybe he wasn’t completely right.

This country is a bloody heady mix of god knows what? so many thing happening so many souls some lost some not so lost, maybe the land itself is lost somewhere between the previous centuries and the coming, in a sea of sight, sound, smell, taste, feel we do tend to get lost, if you are born here you are immune to it to the extent that you don’t sense it normally but when you do you will be on some trip yourself, maybe its not even the country, maybe its just life.

Contradictions everywhere, like the questions in his mind, were he ready? no maybe he wasn’t, but life is about choices, but does he regret it, yes many times he had questioned was it worth it? No? Oh wait maybe a yes.. He knows his heart fought for it as did hers maybe?
She is so quiet , all her thoughts lost in herself like that photo of her’s where she is standing on a hillock, maybe it was a cloud, cool morning or a mellow evening when the sun is coming down.

The Spanish chika, right there all that attributes were there, passionate about life, about a sunshine in the next morning, hope in beauty of life, resilience that defined her the lust in that slim, tender, sweet body of hers, lastly that soft confused stupid girl who would plonk on the floor, because she missed a transport and panic, that part of her brought out a smile in him.
She was sweet, this little hellcat, a nice soul and a nicer person, his little cookie monster.

How could he tell her he was someone who was in love with the world, twisted, turned weird, but he did love her, her cute little self being around?
Last he remembered her face was when she almost jumped at him at the hotel in the capital, she looked like she would just rip off parts of him and eat his in , like you love someone so bad and you miss them so bad that you wish you could just eat them, he forgot he was tiered pulling a tough fortnight through.

Was it a heady mix of love or lust? he still questions, and still the answer remains the same its both the manifestation of a similar feeling, and he smile.
Where are we now , he asks himself and her both don’t have an answer, all the love has just disappeared it seems, she made him feel special, wanted for, lusted for, lovely freckled eyes to loose his self in, where has it gone now.

He mumbled to himself, “told ya bebe, either ways i will loose, i do” there was something prophetic about that feeling he had, having had said that out loud , could never keep his mouth shut, says what he feels and gets in trouble, well invites it rather, but this was him .

Making rainbows in his mind, dreams that were dreamt in the daylight, under the shade of the sun and the coolness of the bed with the warmth of her body next to him, would this be life, music, travel, happiness, poetry, her, me, us...
The us seems so distant now, mind would not travel further than the heart, the music was playing, the mountain air outside cool and moist, the music in his ears the smoothness of the evening was just so right, she was there looking so beautiful and gorgeous as ever, she was there.

So fragile, yet so beautiful he thought, he so wanted her badly, but should he have? No no he cant , i mean who knows, she might not be ... wait.
He was afraid of getting hurt again, of hurting her more than hurting himself, but he could not resist, there was just so much love, waiting, yearning, wanting...

Now they cant stand each other, one of them regrets all this that ever happened, the other no matter what thinks it was all that was worth it.. but they have gone far now, trust, comfort and sacrifice questioning themselves while putting them in doubt, guess she hated him now.

He is back where he began, nobody did understand him, but he knew, he maybe an asshole, hell he knew he was, he maybe was worried about the world but notheless doesn’t give a fuck, he was not a monster..

But he is lonely now, she could not connect with him at that level, there was something that was lost in translation, as both of them were thinking that sitting a million miles away, it was a sunset he was facing and she was going through the sunny afternoon of the day.

The stranger he dreamt of meeting, falling in love, being with and travelling the road of life together cannot understand him, could not, neither does he now maybe, guess it was lost in translation, another wound he would carry out on his heart the biggest one till date, like the medals of a war torn soilder ....

The old solider whose battles are still on.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bitch Called Life .

You don’t exist, don’t you know, don’t worry the whole world is soaked in its own bile of problems, so vomit all your self-pity out and swim in it sweetheart for its not going to be of any use.

So said life, oh yeah that gorgeous bitch standing there with all the bloody peoplen she enslaved behind her in chains, she come closer and runs her finger through my hair and scream , you thought you are special ? you can run away, you shall have it all?

" All i want is everything " eh ? look at you now you miserable bastard, you have nothing , you lost everything, either way you loose ...
As she clinked her chains, making it chime, he stood there motionless, there was nothing that she could take away, he was but empty ... she just passed through him and disappeared into thin air, he was back alone in his room.

Nobody notices your pain as they have their own, your pain is insignificant compared to mine don’t you know? but only i notice you withering away like the last leaf on the tree of autumn and i smile for maybe the spring shall come and " I " am me, time the silent witness to all the happenings in life, i am mute i am deaf but not blind.

But this autumn was harsh wasn’t it ? she has left a scar on you , a part of you is forever frozen now for eternity nothing can undo it now nor the spring nor the rain, this pain my friend shall remain.

But smile the bitch called life .. err wait wasn’t it a choice you made ? no no you were forced, ok conditioned, into making this decision thanks to situations ? so smile sucker, remember it can only kill you, nothing will remain after that , no pain .... no pain

He would lay in the bed looking at the ceiling as these thoughts ran in his mind, he could not make heads nor tails of his stream of thoughts, but he just didn’t have the strength in him to make sense of anything now.

The last drop of the cheap rum still in his breath stinking of the sadness, deep dark depressing sadness in his soul, alcohol was by far the greatest invention of mankind, created for the sole purpose to glue up the disintegration of the soul he said to himself.

He remembered the time when booze was drank for fun, with friends not anymore he needs it now to keep his sanity and sleep.

Torn between worlds, he feels that its always he that has to sacrifice, it is always he who has to flex, she would not, and for once his patience and resilience ran out never to return again maybe, never to return again.

He remembered, love demands sacrifices and truelove would make you sacrifice anything but love is not a one-way street, it cant be, his feelings were scarred not so much by the cruel words, but by the pain her tears had caused in his tears.

Nightmares.... bloody nightmares , he wakes up soaked in his sweat
The dim light of the burning cigarette lit up the room with a dim hue every time he inhaled a plume of smoke blowing out from the bed made the darkness more surreal.

He would slip back again to sleep like a baby, slowly, for now he is numb with pain, maybe beyond numb. For he knows that he has to wake up with that sick feeling in him, a feeling of not wanting to go through another day, he remembers his first alias on facebook, it said " Comfortably Numb " and now he really was trying to be that so badly, so badly.

As he played a song in the lowest volume.... how can i live, with or without you....
he drifts further down as the darkness in the room slowly swallows him, and the hole in his soul.

Mea Culpa

Do we really have a purpose in life? i mean seriously tell me even from the most sane sheep among you do you think you have a purpose in life ?

Falling in being able to co-exist with each other we are huddled in a sea of humanity, bound by morals, values, compassion, understanding, respect, love for each other...?

Belief, faith, hope are like that puff of marijuana or the line of coke you snort, gives you fucking utopia, makes you feel so fucking good, you hope for something , keep faith in that hope of yours, then you start believing in it , thinking you are doing right, the best thing ? and then it pop's up inside your head, are you sure ?

But you don’t get it homie, there is nothing called good nor bad its just a variable you see, life and then death on the other hand are the constants, go seek them one is enslavement the other release...

I mean lets fucking face it , when you are in the arms of that special someone, as you look in her eyes what do you see pure love at that moment or lust ? Maybe its both maybe one is the shade of the other, don’t worry, don’t fear, let go .... you cant be judged for that, you have to have immunity to that remember....

Mea culpa, Mea Culpa ..

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The rains , the pains and the soliloquy called love .

Brilliant, its a idle Monday morning .

I sit here on the balcony looking at the clouds that don’t subside , as if nature is unleashing her fury , her anger & frustrations . but even that is so cool , so soothing and calm .hoping that the rain would wash away all my pains, i sit expecting the little droplets to sooth my soul , to sooth the pains, to make me numb again.

Guess at 28 you are confused about life , the decisions to take the career to make and the money to earn , well these are the simple problems you can solve , for they are not as complex as emotions .

Ah well emotions my friends , be aware of them , respect them , loathe them , fear them , embrace them but experience them , the complexities and multitudes involved in it will sweep you away .Let me talk about the one emotion called love , it has so many intricate emotions in its lair , it questions your very belief , shakes your principles , drains your energy and makes you question the fundamental purpose of one’s life ? Of once birth.

But in its arms will we find the answers to our questions , the energy to better our principles & beliefs in life , the momentum to propel our soul on the path of happiness , it instils in us a sense of purpose in our ever drifting life , mind , emotions .
It is the last refuge and the last resort for all our souls, our consciousness & thoughts .
For its is not binding but liberating, it is not burdening but unburdening .
The only hindrance is that we have to surrender to it completely , let it address our fears, our inhibitions, our anger , our frustrations, our doubts , but to surrender we are scared .Then it shall set one free , by giving a simple answer , what can be and what shall not be , a clarity to realize that love when true is truth !

Truth is beauty, beauty is god , and as such god is love , and what better manifestation of god than nature ? Love is the force that creates this universe , which binds the ying & yang to create , to kill , to recycle to recreate again .

well i wouldn’t go by my own words , i would love someone more than life itself , i will love someone unconditionally , i will love someone for i was born to love her , i will love someone for that is my destiny , i will love that one till i realize completely the dimensions and multitudes of love .
And in this process i know she will hurt me , i will hurt her , we will get hurt .
We will question the very foundations of a relationship and always find an answer, we will imagine that love is nothing but , a process of pain and it is better of living without it .
But in the end we will survive this battle , we will emerge more stronger and complete than we were before , you , me and us .Only to realize that love is what completes us , it is what lets us complement each other, it is what is the goal of life , and that is to love .

True love is so complex and rare that we have to fight for it , we have to fight our feelings, inhibitions, incapability’s, restrictions , interruptions , emotions , our knowledge and our very self.Love tears your very self apart to put you back as more complete , more enriched and more enlightened , for only then you can be true to yourself .

but i wouldn’t take my word for it , for even i have to pass through these multitude of feelings , emotion & chaos , its only that the eye of a storm is the calmest , the fires have to forge us to make us stronger , love is but sacrifice of everything but love .

For my love & yours, just love and life will follow you .

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Well i have been lazy , come on i shall admit it .

Well how else would i let work and a bunch of monkeys managing it let me not blog , or is it just my feeble attempt to blame them .?

So after getting to a saturation point i have decided , its too short to let it pass by isnt it .

I mean for 5 years you live life , every single day , one moment at a time and all of a sudden you see that its passing by you , too quick for you to comprehend .

the shower today just reminded me of something , a moment of happiness that i had forgotten , about an august week that was just bloody brilliant .!

I mean its Thursday evening , its raining cats & dogs and a cyclone was brewing somewhere adding more force to the rains , trying to avenge the gods themselves .

Me & Asti are gulping down some sweet rum as we think about 3 wonderful days to do nothing & free from work .

" Dude , lets do a bike trip " asti quips and i tell him to shut up , for the weather was not right , and i did not know how much of a rider he was , but then the road beckons .

The advantage of being drunk is that it helps your brain bypass the probabilities and helps it to say yes , was it stupidity ? what was the point ?

11:30 PM , we borrow a couple of rain suits , gear up completely and decide its time to go , asti gets his clothes packed & his highness is ready .

Okay driving is serious rain is injurious to health and takes a lot of concentration & tolerance , more so if its 2 guys on a Pulsar .!

12:30 PM CCD Maddur , we are soaking wet , tipsy and sore , but zipping @ 75 KMPH on wet roads is fun , you tend to feel nice , like breaking free and just cruising without a care in the world .

Mysore , 1:45 AM , we come home cold and shivering , just duck into the bed and sleep off .

We wake up to see this , what a nice way to start the mornings , get nice warm coffee served , pick a cigarette & just watch this view frm my balcony .

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Maya this is , maya this shall be ...


The toughest thing to understand is silence,
The hardest thing to find is the same silence.

The yearning to break this haplessness i try,
making me realize that i am not that tough.

After all we are human , fragile but resilient.

we yell out , Why is it that we are cursed by emotions?
yet at times we indulge in them as if they are a boon.

Why is there this longing in us ?
Why is there a need for someone ?

Look into yourself , into your deep dark soul ,
bring out everything in there to light.

Dont you know you fool , you were born alone ?
see, you will die naked alone and quietly ..

when where you here to go there ?
dont you know , you were yourself just a manifestation .

Ah , maya was this , maya shall this be .
nor you can change this nor i , maya it is just maya ....


Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Catching up with Снегурочка & сварливый человек , encounter with Mr.D'souza

Well it was as usual, a warm bear hug, genuine and happy.

I liked the expressions of his face though, and my Снегурочка happy and cheerful as usual . it always is a nice feeling when you meet old friends , well literally old friends .

I had the much deserved break after some serious biking and it felt great to have both Andy & Elena for company.
It was the ideal break without a care in the world , swimming in the beach, smoking Loco, having little conversation & arguments and taking my vengeance on them with my " Magical " cooking skills, i have to say a vacation cant be better than this .

The roads in Goa are really pretty good , long & winding stretched here and there gives you as nice feel especially if you are in the off tourist areas or driving at off tourist times .

An afternoon siesta with a heavy fish curry Thali lunch backing us up was a welcome break from all the junk food i had been eating during my travel , and old panjim’s lazy looking streets were a delight to walk off the afternoon heat.

All of us were walking together on the old roads of uptown panjim when on the way we came across a waft of music , and we were drawn closer to the tune of a violin .
As we just drift by windering as to where is this mellow tone coming from we notice that Снегурочка disappears, god knows where ? just to emerge out of Mr.D'Silva's house reckoning me and Andy to follow suit .

The house was quiet old and gave fodder to me and Andy for our animated discussions about old houses in goa .
An old gentleman dressed in impeccable formals what a sight, Big spectacles and aged beautiful eyes , as we walked into his study i felt that i am entering a place where time must move very slowly.

His was a wonderful story , Born in Macau or i think it was Singapore , he worked 20 odd years in Brazil as a professor of fine arts, He claimed to have a lineage in the Goan Portuguese aristocracy , and his " Great " grandfather was the First chief justice of old Portuguese Goa .

His violin was magical, turning out tunes that were so bare and so strong that it was no wonder it touched me, as if calling out to an emotion hidden deep inside , soaking this is we move on & bid him adieu with smiles on our faces brought out by a bliss of music.

Nice little place, i wanted to visit old Goa and do some serious photography of the old houses & that architecture , but maybe some other time .

Well I am lazing around a bit here now, drifting lazily , drunk and happy , will write more about all this sometime later

See ya .

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Magical byndoor and the secret beach .

Well what a wonderful place this is , i dont want to speak about it and spoil the magic . This blog entry is about 28 hours late but was soaking in so much of the coastal country side , i forgot about it . Beach next to the hill , a old temple , starry skies ....! We bid goodebye to this wonderful place in the middle of the jungle and drifted through the coast , the roads get a bit worse once you reach uttara kannada district .

Bhatkal : unique in its own way , we then started driving again after filling up our tanks . On a impulse as i was driving i felt the gentle breeze hit my face and turned my bike to the left on a narrow road .

A lone fisherman's house , fish set out to dry , and a marshy pool with a invitation to a secret beach , so lonely , so desolate , with nobody except a lone fishing boat , this was the ideal beach .

This is where we thought it would be nice and kool to drive our bikes on the shoreline , i wanted to drive in the wet sand . And i was reminded of the attempt me and vicky tried on our visit to goa . That was some trip .

Well the outcome was the same , we couldnt go out for long , we could have done it if we had deflated our tiers , but we had no foot pump .
Anyway we drove back to gokarna pretty hurriedly and finished our visit to om beach , i didnt visit it again , no thing great in it . Did enjoy the drive up till there .

Then it was a mad rush to goa , hassle by the goan cops at the border and a stop at the famous " swiss resturant " enroute to galibaugh beach .

Thats it for now , enjoying a wonderful beach and great roads . Sadly saw army deployed all around and the country in general being cautious .
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Friday, December 26, 2008

Totally free , feel's like i am back where i belong .

Magundi , a rustic old cottage of the british era .

Its sole purpose was to keep the bridge company, Built as the last frontiers of the then civilization .

But then with these thoughts in our head i hit the road on a wonderful misty morning ,Magical winding ghats at elevation of 1000 meters my expectations from kemmangundi trip was high for that range and must say i wasnt let down .

Kudremukha was what it is " A ghost town" , empty eyes and lethargy and ruins, Just hope it doesnt become a tourist joint ,Sadly didnt stay there for long ,as it reminded me of a government controlled camp .

Even Lakya Dam was a big disappointment as it was almost dry .

But the drive from there was just amazing, tough not as challenging as the subramanya ghat, it was mellow and smooth , so smooth in fact that we literally glided on the tarmac Boobla and amish with verma and astitva were joyous .



I think they did close to about 13 kms with their engines off but i just did 9kms as i was literally flying on 2 wheels , High on the mountain air with so much green , For some wonderful reason i switched off the ipod playing remo and just let go of myself i mean the music was there but i couldnt here , all i did hear was the swish sound made by the wheel as if to remind me that they were still there .

For a moment on that road i forgot who. I was , silence was all that was inside and outside i closed my eyes in moist cool wind , i just let go of myself , just let go .

Opened them in a moment, the stable bull was going straight like a arrow , wasnt this moment what i yearned for ? I was doing an average of 45 degree turns at 45 kmph with my engine off , well almost .!

And the best part was that there was no traffic ! nil , none .i almost touched 65 KMPH like this , well then came the power turns where the bike was ripping the roads at 70 in the ghats .

Then came the slow 30 kmph hairpin bends . It was pure bliss i say ,the tarmac was just about inches from my outstretched hand , but as all good things come to an end so was this stretch of pleasant road .



Then there was a dash on the highway to make it to byndoor at the least possible time to catch up on a good sunset but all we did make was of a sunset in marwante with the beach cut through by a highway .


At last by 7PM we found our way through to the guest house driving on gravel and sand on a dark moonless night .

Oh and what a magical night it was the stars , the sea , and the place , wow .
All in all was happy about today , for today i had truly become a wind rider .

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